Wednesday, 12 Dec 2018

Ask Amy: a friend beats addiction, develops a eating disorder

Dear Amy: "Charlotte," my long-time dear friend, looks more like a white bean than a human being, because she has been purged.

Charlotte recently overcame tobacco addiction and alcohol simultaneously. She has a distorted image of her figure and exercises to the extreme in order to maintain this appearance.

I realize that she needs to convince herself to turn the tide and take action to tackle the latter problem. I let her know that she was at great risk of illness, if she stays so lean.

She has not yet sought advice from a professional.

I wonder if it would work if I brought together trusted family members and close friends to confront and talk to him wisely.

Chap concerned

Chap concerned: According to an article published by the National Institute for Combating Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (, numerous studies show that alcoholism and alcoholism Eating disorders "occur frequently", but no definitive link has yet been established between the two addictive disorders. been identified.

All this to say that your friend's other addictions are probably related to her current bulimia, that it is complicated and that she needs the help of a professional to deal with her underlying problems before finding her health.

Interventions – by family and friends – seem easy. You are just getting together and going around the table to tell the affected party that you care for her and want her to get some help.

And then the subject of the intervention is raging, or crying or sitting down sadly, or telling you to go to hell, leave the table and stop communicating with you because even if your intentions were great and you were all sweet and magnets, she feels attacked and misunderstood.

If this happens, then "Charlotte" will no longer have what she needs most, namely contact with loyal and loving friends.

This is why interventions are best led by professionals. A therapist or other specialist can formulate constructive and concrete ideas, as well as inspiration and motivation to start a treatment.

Of course, share your concerns with your friend: "You have been through so much lately. I'm worried because you've become so thin. Do you see a therapist? Offer to help find one. And also continue to accept it as it is. She has a serious illness.

The National Eating Disorders Association offers a treatment search tool (, as well as a hotline that they can call (or call them): (800) 931-2237.

Dear Amy: I attend a potluck professional networking luncheon each week.

It's our lunch hour and the only occasion for some of us to have lunch that day. Most of us bring a main course or side dish to share.

Sometimes participants do not bring anything at all or, as recently, a group of four colleagues from the same office brought a small box of chocolates.

We do not run the risk of running out of food because most people bring in more than enough, so it seems insignificant to dispute the amount and type of food brought in, but that 's amazing, d'. as much as we are all active professionals. What is a polite but clear message to these participants?

Intrigued by skimpers

Intrigued by skimpers: If the group is not likely to run out of food, generously share your main courses and salads with the chocolatiers. You may assume that people sometimes simply forget that the meeting is taking place or that when they left the house in the morning, they did not think they could attend the meeting, but now they can.

If the same people continue to neglect to bring food, then before starting the next meeting, your leader (s) may say, "We are here to make contacts and communicate; it's the most important thing. But we are here too during lunch. One way for us to eat is to alternate the task of bringing main dishes and side dishes. Or we can each bring our own lunch without worrying about the shared dishes. Can we get a consensus on how to handle this? "

Dear Amy: I wonder if other readers were shocked by the question of "Still Shocked", whose mother has long had an affair with the foreign schoolboy of the family. I do not know if I could recover from this knowledge.

Also shocked

Also shocked: I agree. Mom wanted to sweep this case under the rug, but I agree that it was patently wrong, and that she should be answering it.

2018 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency


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