Dear Amy: My young-adult daughter and her partner have lived together for four years. They live 300 miles away.
I am very fond of my daughter's partner and send me a birthday gift each year.
I have never received a thank you. I'm flexible on the format – a text would be fine with me, however … nothing.
This year I asked my daughter if her girlfriend had received the gift, but that did not feel right, either. In the future, should I text her girlfriend and ask her directly? Should I give up this expectation and assume the gifts are received?
The tracking number lets me know it on their front porch. Of course, I'd like to hear that I would have appreciated, but I really want to know if she got it.
I 've felt it' s to your parents. When sending a gift to an adult, my expectations are that there will be some acknowledgment.
Amy, are you thank-you's and / or acknowledgments?
Did you get it?
Did You Get It ?: A "thank you" never goes out of style.
And I would say that over a few years, I would say that it has been considered that the minimum investment to receive a gift the following year.
Her behavior is embarrassing to you, because you have to face the prospect of proactively chasing down this gift.
Let's set aside the whole idea of even saying "thank you." Packages get nabbed off front porches. With accurate tracking, senders only know if someone actually received a package – if the recipient
And, here's a holiday bonus for all of you
Let's say you have a gift (even if you do not like it). Oh, no! What should you do? At the very least, you should send a text – or call – saying, "Hi, I got the gift you feel! You are so thoughtful to think of me. I really appreciate it. Thank you! "
A slightly more-clever (and more fun) version of this selfie or a selfie of yourself holding the gift, and deliver this message to the sender's phone. It takes 30 seconds and is much appreciated.
And, yes, polite and high-functioning people also follow up with a note.
Given this woman's behavior, I think it's time for you to transition to birthday cards. Then all of you can stop worrying about it.
Dear Amy: How would I know if my nephews who reside outside of the United States really love me for who I am, or rather care more about my money and possibly thinking that they'll inherit some of it children of my own?
My contact with them is via WhatsApp on birthdays and the occasional exchange of photos.
American Uncle: If I had a litmus test to determine if I was sincere, I would have patented it (and used it on my ex-husband). I imagine a series of urine test strips, marketed with the motto: "If the strip turns blue, your love is true!"
Many generational relationships are: I give you this (affection, attention, material goods) and I receive that (gratitude, affection, recognition). When the exchange makes you feel balanced, the relationship produces with mutual satisfaction.
But here is the maddening mystery about love. Love is something you just have to give away, with brave and honest intentions – and with no guarantee that it will be returned to you. My suggestion for you is that you love to be generous and take satisfaction in your ability to be emotionally generous. Even if you do not leave these young people with any money, consider your attention and affection a lasting legacy.
Dear Amy: In your answer to "Too High Standards," you wrote: "Too often, women ignore or override their own instincts, and then wonder why they did not pay attention to their own good sense."
This is a true statement, but why leave out men? I get so sick of men being ignored in your column.
Upset Man: This question was posted by a woman, and I read my answer to other women.
But think of it this way: Women – and people across the gender spectrum – have been pretty tolerant of being referred to as "mankind" for hundreds of years. Welcome to your insight.