Tuesday, 18 Dec 2018
Entertainment

Miss Manners: The after-hours party should include the "best halves"

Dear Miss Manners, Our cardiology group is organizing a Christmas party for our employees. The proposal is to have a DJ and a dance floor. However, spouses of employees are not invited.

It seems to me wrong to encourage dancing between colleagues without the presence of their wife. Am I just out of date? Is it common? I have never been invited to a dance party without the spouses.

Old-fashioned? Or not to pay attention to what is happening in the world right now?

At any time, it would be inhospitable to organize a party after office hours. Miss Manners assumes that you do not plan to dance to emergencies at lunch time without inviting spouses and partners. In times of high awareness of sexual harassment in the workplace, it would be irresponsible and reckless.

Dear Miss Manners, I've had the impression that it's considered tasteless to bring his own baby at a baby shower as a guest, as it's a good idea to have a baby shower. Attention would be diverted from the guest of honor. This poses no problem for me and, frankly, I can not wait to spend some time with only adults.

But what about "gender-revealing" parties? I'm not a fan of these parties as a whole, but my best friend is organizing one. I will participate to support his growing family. Should I bring my own baby or leave him with his grandparents for a few hours?

As friends of Mothers Manners may be presumably young mothers themselves, there is no reason for Miss Manners to consider it a general rule to ban showers and sex parties from babies (and she agrees with you on the stupidity of the latter). Surely the hostess and the guest of honor should choose, keeping in mind that guests would be happier not to have to find babysitters or escape to an adult party.

Dear Miss Manners, My mother-in-law lives alone. Every year since the birth of her first grandchild, she has sent holiday cards with pictures of the children. They go to see his friends, colleagues and clients, whom we mostly ignore.

She did not consult me, nor did my sister-in-law, and I found it odd to receive a card in the mail with a picture of my child. Should not holiday cards represent the people who live in your household?

I would point out that I doubt to speak with her, because I do not want to make things uncomfortable, but I would appreciate a label anyway.

The rules of etiquette are based on moral considerations, one of which is kindness. Therefore, a rule prohibiting a grandmother from sending cards illustrating her grandchildren is inconceivable for Miss Manners.

Dear Miss Manners, When you receive an invitation to a birthday party and it is indicated that dinner will be $ 25, do you have to buy a gift?

As a sponsor of this event, you are one of the hosts. If you want to give yourself a present, Miss Manners has no objection.

The new columns of Miss Manners are posted from Monday to Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com.

2018, by Judith Martin

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