Friday, 18 Jan 2019

Miss Manners: the fast favor becomes a prolonged fight

Dear Miss Manners, My husband asked me if I would give him a specific item from his work bag, which was on the other side of the room. I brought him the entire bag instead of removing the item requested.

He told me angrily that I might as well have not done him any service at all. He then hinted that if I'm too lazy to do a service in the manner requested, I should say it and he would just do it himself.

I was upset by the rudeness of it all and kept me stubbornly saying that it should be clearer. He maintains that it makes sense that I should have brought him the specific item requested, and not all the bag, and that it is not unreasonable to s & # 39; Wait until a favor is done precisely as it was written.

He apologized for his overreaction, but he wants to excuse me – for telling him angrily that the only appropriate response when someone was doing you a favor is "thank you" and that his argument is absurd.

I just can not bring myself to apologize for having done him any service. I have the feeling that this argument will stay in place until I withdraw and apologize, but I fear that it does create a precedent in which to ask for favors will become a terrible question.

At the risk of getting confused In this unstable quarrel, Miss Manners will say this: Her dear mother taught her to never look into someone else's affairs or to hand him the whole bag, as you did. It allows you to pass this on to your husband. But for the sake of marriage, you could pre-empt it by saying, "I'm sorry to get angry, my dear, but …"

Dear Miss Manners, I stopped drinking alcohol and I now drink tonic water in social situations. Is it rude to bring a bottle to a dinner where I know that a lot of different wines (but not other drinks) will be served? Or should I settle for water because my friends do not usually have tonics?

Glue with water – for the moment, at least. Bringing your own drink should really be relegated only to the potlucks and fraternity parties. However, if you ask to drink enough times when you are asked, Miss Manners is hopeful that she will eventually appear.

Dear Miss Manners, My mother recently gave me a photo in a frame. I gave him this picture and frame 20 years ago. His gift hurt, because I thought it was a significant gift when I gave it to him.

Is it necessary to thank someone for a gift that you originally offered him?

If it happens again, you can monitor memory loss. But Miss Manners will let you say, "It's funny. Our tastes are so similar. What does it mean for us to have the same photo in our two houses. "

The new columns of Miss Manners are posted from Monday to Saturday on You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website,

2018, by Judith Martin


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