The most surprising thing about dating apps for me was not the ghost images, the banality "How is your Monday?", Or even the innumerable pictures of Machu Picchu. It was sarcasm.
Not sarcasm, but the many users who want you to know that they like it. Like in: "I love wine, sarcasm and dogs." Or "Dodgers' baseball, beer, sarcasm and Kanye West." Or "New England's sports teams, sarcasm, honesty and excessive occasional drinking of alcohol "or" teddy bears, the shock of soul sarcasm and kindness. Or "I love ice cream and coffee. And physical activity. And sarcasm. "
Some imply that they give sarcasm ("Good at sarcasm"); others would prefer to receive ("appreciate mischievous sarcasm"). One prefers it as a "weapon of choice". Another feared that "I'm using too much".
Many simply are sarcastically, like "the sarcastic and spiritual nurse", the "sarcastic and kind little Jew" and the one who is "sarcastic all day every day". It is warned that "sarcasm is my language," while the advanced are "sarcasm. "One was" most sarcastically elected "in my high school class." Another grew up to become a "professional sarcasm." The most discerning is the "connoisseur of sarcasm". They are ruled by a "queen of sarcasm".
I had always thought that sarcasm was one of many tools of language, such as comparisons or pronouns, a propensity for which you do not consider a defining feature, let alone a requirement in a life partner. But for these people, the "sarcastic" is part of their identity – and they hope their partners too. "We must love sarcasm"
I had to know fervently: What is so much about saying one thing but saying the opposite?
It was comforting to meet other people sharing my confusion, like Shea Stanley, a senior from the University of North Carolina. In September, she wrote an article for the satirical website Reductress titled: "How to hide how impressed you are, he is fluent in sarcasm."
The article is, incidentally, staked with … well, you've understood: "Obviously, you are dealing with a very cool and impressive person, because he made sure to inform you in advance. "
Stanley says over the phone that Tinder users, who identify themselves as sarcastic, say she feels "out of fashion" and that they are probably also those who like to say, "I'm so random."
"It basically means you're not that funny," she says. "That's fine. Everyone should not be funny. "
"I also associate the kind of person who would say" I'm fluent in sarcasm "to someone who wears a lot of fedoras," she says. "They are not weird because they like strange things, they are weird because they want to be known as someone who likes strange things."
"Running in sarcasm" has become a slogan, featured on t-shirts. In July, Lifehacker quoted a reporter on Reddit who was also fed up with people who "speak sarcasm fluently". One profile I saw was that "sarcasm is not a language."
OkCupid offers "What is your opinion on sarcasm?" As one of his questions to match you to potential dates, and 65% of those polled in 2018 said they like him or her. like, as in 2017, according to a spokesperson. This is down from 72% in 2016, a drop that Vice's article attributed to President Trump's fierce resistance from mostly urban (and probably liberal) users of the site. However, between 2017 and 2018, mentions of "sarcasm" or "sarcastic" in the profiles increased by 230% (the company could not offer data before that date due to privacy laws ).
Roger Kreuz, professor of psychology at the University of Memphis, points out that sarcasm has not always been considered a desirable trait. "It's a more positive vision today than a generation ago," he says. "Sarcasm is more likely to be associated with the mind and humor and less likely to be critical or cruel." His study ten years ago revealed regional differences: sarcasm was perceived as more positive way in northern New York than in the Memphis area.
Penny Pexman, a professor of psychology at the University of Calgary, has seen an improvement in the image of sarcasm over the last two decades, when PTAs were calling to ask if it should be banned in schools to prevent it. intimidation.
"What we know about research is that sarcastic people are perceived as a little smarter, a little more in control of their emotions, because instead of hiding something literal, they can take the time to make something a little smarter, she says.
Pexman has found that some people are, in fact, systematically more sarcastic than others. In addition, men think they are more sarcastic than women and women think they are less sarcastic than men, but they use it about as much.
The irony of sarcasm and its cousin, irony, has been widely reported in such sources as Kurt Andersen and Paul Rudnick's 1989 essay, The Irony Epidemic. the 1990s and seinfeldiennes. More recently, sarcasm has become an important part of Internet culture, which is probably one of the reasons it has infiltrated into dating apps.
I was wondering if the sarcasm on dating apps was a substitute for the sense of humor of the 2010s, which I remember seeing more often at the beginning of the online dating era. But Kreuz thinks it's more specific than that.
"They have more than one – I would not say a jaded prospect – but a detached and self-aware worldview that some people might find very sophisticated and appealing," he says.
One time, I went to an appointment with a semblance of sarcasm – she included it to warn people she found who were offended, especially in the Midwest. An article in the 2014 Catalog of Thoughts titled "19 Things You Need to Know Before You Go Out With a Sarcastic Girl" has recognized the ways in which the trait could create friction in relationships. One profile I saw said, "Sarcastic, hope you're not too sensitive." Many appointments seem frustrated with the fact that their sarcasm is misunderstood, perhaps in part because the Dating is done primarily by text, which can create more misunderstandings than during phone calls.
But for some, the opposite might be true: Jeff Hancock, professor of communication at Stanford University, says that sarcasm can flourish on text and in applications, which may explain why so many people like it nowadays. His research revealed that sarcasm is used more in anonymous discussion forums than in face-to-face conversations. When you take your time and "optimize your self-presentation, you can make more irony and sarcasm, because you do not have to do it in a few hundred milliseconds".
And that's why, he believes, the sarcasm of texting does not necessarily cause more confusion, especially because you can use signals such as GIFs and emoji. "It's this point of view that face-to-face is always better, but man, sometimes a good text message is as good, if not better."
Finally, I began to notice that the appointments "liked" another form of humor: puns, daddy jokes. In response to the prompt "I get along well with" on Hinge, a user writes that it is people who "appreciate the fact that puns are superior to sarcasm in the power ranking of # 39; humor. " Another says, "I prefer sincerity over sarcasm." Could this be a reaction to the caustic dating-app culture? Or, like "swipe left if you love Trump" profiles, mentioning "daddy jokes" or "sarcasm" might just be a way to identify your tribe.
"I understand the basic instinct:" I want someone who has my sense of humor "or" I do not want someone who is boring, "" said Stanley, senior UNC official, about speakers speaking sarcasm. She sympathizes with those who, like her, are just trying to make their way through the trap of Tinder's profiles.
"Mine just says," I love Taco Bell "or something stupid," she adds. "Maybe I do not have a place to talk to."
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