Dear UN Secretary General Guterres!
You will surely be surprised to receive a letter from me, of all people, especially when I am not a great letter writer. But unfortunately I don’t know your postal address, so this form of delivery is easier and cheaper for me. With this letter, I would like to finally ask you to recognize the Republic of Arzach as an independent and free country and to be a 194th full member of the United Nations. Please do it as soon as possible, actually as of now or better still retrospectively from January 1, 2020. Why should you do that? Well, there are many good reasons for that, which I allow myself to explain here.
As a Portuguese and son of the fairly crowded tourist metropolis Lisbon, you are aware of the devastating consequences of mass tourism and over tourism very familiar. We urgently need more travel destinations to relieve the old ones. In the search for new, as yet unused holiday countries, I traveled to the small and largely unknown Caucasus Republic of Arzach. Also on board were, as it were, your political advance command, MEP Martin Sonneborn (The PARTY) and a high-level examination and expert commission. The aim of our research trip was to test the potential vacation destination Arzach for suitability for travel.
The small republic lies in the so-called Little Caucasus, pretty much between Europe and Asia, clutched, indeed surrounded by Armenia, Azerbaijan and Iran. Because there was little free space, the national territory was designed to be small and clear. The territory consists mainly of areas and areas, is about half the size of Hesse and has fewer inhabitants than Paderborn. Your Excellency may not know Paderborn or half of Hesse at all, but that doesn’t matter, because you obviously don’t know Arzach either. If it were otherwise, you would have recognized this excellent travel destination long ago.
The high valleys gap
The local landscape is in excellent shape. The soil is successfully cultivated, with lovely valleys, mountains and dizzying gorges in between, protruding and gaping. On the trees responsible for it, the mulberries hang bulging and black, from which the population knows how to distill an excellent schnapps that only makes you blind after the third tankard. But this only for a time, so that the next day you will not be adversely affected by further admiring and marveling at the topographical achievements. There are cows, chickens and horse carts that are driven and cared for by busy men. These men greet back friendly. Over a thousand years old monasteries remind that the Armenians founded the oldest Christian state on earth as early as 301. In Arzach you know how to live and celebrate, the highlight of the annual festival is the festival of pickled vegetables in Drakhtik.