A 35-year-old Norwegian man living in Norway with his 33-year-old Lithuanian partner of 4.5 years has shared a recurring domestic dispute on Reddit regarding linguistic habits and direct communication styles. The couple, who share a child and speak both Norwegian and English at home, found themselves arguing after the woman requested a pair of scissors located in another room by issuing a direct command rather than framing it as a polite request.
Cultural Differences and Direct Commands in the Home
According to the poster, his partner refuses to speak politely at home, opting never to ask for tasks to be done but instead issuing instructions like a military commander. When she stated, “Pass the scissors!”, rather than asking if he could bring them, the man questioned why she could not use polite forms like he experienced growing up with his own family in Norway and England. He explained that in Norwegian and English culture, people typically ask rather than order, even within family settings.
The woman defended her approach by stating that her home is not a restaurant and she cannot constantly repeat polite phrases, adding that her Lithuanian girlfriends speak the same way. Several family members and friends have also noticed her conversational tone, while the man noted he always asks rather than orders.
Did You Know? The couple lives together in Norway, where they have been in a relationship for four and a half years and share one child, communicating primarily in Norwegian and English at home.
Online Reactions and Cultural Perspectives on Tone
Commenters on Reddit offered split perspectives on whether the behavior stems from cultural norms or a language barrier. Some participants agreed they have noticed a relatively blunt communication style among Lithuanian women. One commenter compared the situation to an Irish-Lithuanian couple where the partner appears argumentative and points fingers yet remains a warm and generous person.
Other users argued that the core issue is tone rather than direct translation. One participant noted that while an order might be used, the tone would clearly indicate a request rather than aggression. Another commenter suggested that the woman’s English proficiency might cause her to default to harsher grammatical forms, though they stressed that aggressive speech is not normal.
Expert Insight: Navigating cross-cultural partnerships often involves reconciling deeply ingrained conversational expectations, where directness in one language can easily be misinterpreted as hostility in another without careful attention to vocal tone and shared context.
Differing Views on Politeness Markers
Discussions among commenters also centered on the specific usage of the word please. One user explained that saying please in Lithuanian homes can sound passive-aggressive, sarcastic, or overly formal, noting that polite forms are generally reserved for strangers or colleagues. Another commenter suggested that direct speech in close relationships helps simplify communication rather than convey rudeness.
Conversely, some contributors disagreed, sharing that they had to learn to speak much more politely with their Lithuanian partners. Others pointed out that situational urgency—such as trying to cut a matted fur clump off a cat—justifies direct phrasing without implying a lack of manners. Commenters also debated whether the lack of a shared native language between the partners exacerbates these daily misunderstandings.
Frequently Asked Questions
What languages do the couple speak at home?
They communicate in Norwegian and English.
How long have the couple been together?
They have been together for four and a half years and share a child.
Why did the couple argue over scissors?
The argument started because the woman told her partner to pass the scissors instead of asking politely if he could bring them.
How do you navigate differing communication styles and directness in a multilingual household?
Related reading