McCray reflects on caring for Lee
In a personal essay published by HuffPost, historian Lucinda Myles McCray reflects on caring for her former husband, Lee, through his terminal illness decades after their divorce.
The couple married on Jan. 7, 1978, after meeting the previous year, and had four sons together before divorcing in 2010. McCray writes that their 32-year marriage ended with a painful split that caused anger and estrangement.
Contact remained virtually nonexistent until their twins’ weddings forced a rapprochement in 2016. Old memories established the scaffolding for a tentative new friendship between the two.
McCray managed Lee's care after his diagnoses
Lee received diagnoses of Parkinson’s disease and Lewy body dementia in 2019 shortly before his 78th birthday. His romantic partner at the time contacted the family to explain she could not manage his care.
McCray spent three weeks clearing out Lee’s four-room library and going through 50 years of research notes and financial files. She shredded documents and drove to recycling centers before moving to Minneapolis during the COVID-19 pandemic in March 2020.
She served as his health care advocate while the relentless physical damage of the disease progressed.
Lee's end-of-life care reunited the family
Through slow, rambling conversations about old colleagues and research projects, Lee held onto his identity while sharing memories. McCray notes that her involvement in his end-of-life care fostered an unexpected family reunification with their adult sons.
“There are many kinds of love. At some point during the last couple of years, Lee asked me” Lee's former wife Lucinda Myles McCray said.
A memory care nurse called McCray just before Thanksgiving in 2022 after Lee stopped moving from his recliner.
Lee died on a sunny afternoon in February after their eldest son arrived from California. McCray celebrated his life the Saturday before Father’s Day while handling flower deliveries and preparing brisket for family and neighbors.
Common Questions About Ex-Spouse Care
When were Lucinda Myles McCray and Lee married?
The couple married on Jan. 7, 1978, after meeting in 1977, and later divorced in 2010.
What illnesses did Lee contract in later life?
Lee was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and Lewy body dementia in 2019 shortly before his 78th birthday.
When did Lee pass away?
Lee died on a sunny afternoon in February following a period of hospice care.