The story of the Magi—the three Wise Men who followed a star to find the baby Jesus in Bethlehem—has resonated for over two millennia. They asked, “Where is He who has been born King of the Jews?” believing a celestial sign would lead them to the savior. This tale, as recounted in the Gospel of Matthew, illustrates a fundamental human tendency: to seek meaning and fulfillment by following tangible indicators, whether the words in a sacred text or a physical ritual.
The Pursuit of Happiness and ‘Proxy Goals’
While this approach may seem superstitious to some, the underlying principle is universal. Almost everyone strives for happiness, but directly pursuing happiness itself proves elusive. Instead, we rely on what are termed “proxy goals”—metaphorical stars that guide us toward well-being. The question then becomes: are we following the right star?
Proxy goals are crucial because they provide direction and a sense of progress, which, even temporarily, can be deeply satisfying. Psychologists have demonstrated that setting concrete goals can make life feel more manageable, particularly for individuals experiencing depression or anxiety. Even in challenging circumstances, like an unsatisfying job, goal-setting can improve one’s outlook.
Three Characteristics of Effective Proxy Goals
However, not all proxy goals are created equal. To maximize long-term well-being, these goals must align with our core values and interests—a concept psychologists call “self-concordance.” Three characteristics define effective proxy goals.
First, a good proxy goal is non-zero-sum. Unlike competitive pursuits—such as becoming CEO, where only one person can hold the position—a non-zero-sum goal allows for multiple successes. For example, finding work that is both interesting and challenging is a goal anyone can achieve. Research in 2006 indicated that non-zero-sum goals raise life satisfaction, while competitive goals can diminish it.
Second, the motivation behind a goal should be approach-oriented, not driven by avoidance. Improving employability through education, for instance, can be framed positively (“I want to learn new skills”) or negatively (“I don’t want to be unemployed”). A 2022 study in Psychological Reports found that a positive approach is more likely to lead to life satisfaction.
Third, effective proxy goals are non-positional, meaning they aren’t based on social comparison. Buying a house to create a loving home for your family is non-positional; seeking a house to impress others is not. Research suggests that prioritizing social comparison diminishes happiness, especially in the age of social media.
Four Axioms for a Fulfilling Life
Happiness isn’t a direct target; it’s a byproduct of pursuing meaningful proxy goals. To stay on course, consider these guidelines.
1. Focus on people, not things. Happiness, fundamentally, is rooted in love—defined as “to will the good of the other.” Love is infinite, positive, and free from social comparison. Prioritize relationships and service to others.
2. Prioritize inner direction. Humans are naturally inclined to seek status, but social comparison diminishes happiness. Focus on your own values and purpose, not on external validation.
3. Enjoy the journey. The Magi’s journey was literal, but our own may be metaphorical. Find joy in the process, not just the outcome. Avoid the “arrival fallacy”—the assumption that achieving a goal will guarantee lasting satisfaction.
4. Stay flexible. Life is unpredictable. Be prepared to adjust your goals when circumstances change, whether due to relationship shifts, employment changes, or loss. The Magi, warned of danger, “departed for their own country another way.”
Frequently Asked Questions
What are ‘proxy goals’?
Proxy goals are metaphorical “stars” that we choose to follow in pursuit of happiness. They are tangible objectives that we believe will lead us to greater well-being, as striving for happiness directly is not possible.
What is the difference between a zero-sum and a non-zero-sum goal?
A zero-sum goal is one where someone else’s success prevents your own (like becoming CEO). A non-zero-sum goal allows for multiple successes; achieving it doesn’t preclude others from doing the same.
Why is it important to focus on approach-oriented goals?
Approach-oriented goals are driven by positive motivations—what you *want* to achieve. Avoidance-oriented goals are driven by negative motivations—what you want to *avoid*. Research suggests that approach-oriented goals are more likely to lead to life satisfaction.
What proxy goals are you currently pursuing, and how do they align with your deepest values?
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