Working mothers in Singapore are navigating a complex tension between professional ambitions and maternal responsibilities, challenging the notion that it is possible to “have it all” simultaneously. Through the experiences of professional women, a pattern emerges of managing “mental loads,” “mum guilt,” and the struggle to remain present for children while maintaining a sense of individual purpose.
The Tension of Dual Roles
For many, the balance between career and family is described as a “harsh trade-off.” Kam Kai Qi, a 36-year-old lawyer who works at least 42 hours a week, notes that on difficult days, she is left with little emotional or physical capacity for her two sons, aged four and two. While working from home twice a week and utilizing flexible hours helps, Kai Qi describes a “constant tension,” stating, “You clearly cannot give 100 per cent of yourself to each role. There is a sense that you are always shortchanging one for the other.”
Similarly, Aruna Daniel, a 36-year-old entrepreneur and former linguist who runs the online phonics platform Phoneme Baby, struggles with the “mental load” of business ownership. The mother of a three-year-old daughter finds it difficult to “fully switch off” her brain between business needs and family requirements, which creates a struggle to be fully present both mentally and physically.
Elizabeth Chan, a 35-year-old family physician and mother of a two-year-old girl, describes the emotional difficulty of morning departures. “Most days are fine, but there are mornings when my daughter says ‘I don’t want mama to go to work,'” Chan says. “Those moments are never simple.”
Redefining the “Have It All” Myth
The idea that women can achieve total fulfillment in career, family, and personal life all at once is being framed as a myth. Kai Qi references a 2025 podcast interview on Aspire with Emma Grede, where former US First Lady Michelle Obama stated, “It’s impossible to have it all.”
Instead, these mothers are embracing the concept of “seasons.” Kai Qi suggests that some periods of life are “meant for stabilising” rather than “climbing.” This perspective allows parents to prioritize different aspects of their lives depending on the current season of motherhood.
The Necessity of Professional Identity and Self-Care
Contrary to the idea that professional work detracts from parenting, several mothers argue that maintaining a career actually improves their ability to parent. Elizabeth Chan, who transitioned to a part-time role in a polyclinic, finds that serving the community and teaching medical students provides a “strong sense of purpose.” She notes that continuing to work reminds her that she is “both a mother and an individual with my own passions and purpose.”
Aruna Daniel echoes this, stating that work “pours back into us,” which in turn fuels her to be a better mother. She emphasizes that children do not need a “perfect mother” but rather one who is “present and in a solid state of mind.”
To achieve this state, these women emphasize the importance of self-care to avoid burnout:
- Elizabeth Chan schedules weekly recharges, such as spin classes or hair appointments, and a bi-weekly girls’ night out with her sister.
- Kam Kai Qi prioritizes downtime after her children are asleep, advocating for a slower pace when life calls for it.
- Aruna Daniel advocates for the “wisdom” of saying “no” to non-essential priorities to protect health and peace.
Societal Implications and Future Family Planning
The struggle to balance these roles may be linked to broader societal trends. Reflecting on the record-low fertility rate among Singaporeans, Kai Qi suggests society must ask why having children has become “less joyful and more of a burden” and why life has become “so squeezed that it leaves no space to consider having a family.”
Looking forward, the decision to expand families appears to be tied to personal bandwidth and support systems:
- Elizabeth Chan remains sanguine and hopes for one more child.
- Aruna Daniel is planning for a second child.
- Kam Kai Qi is considering a third child highly carefully, citing concerns over financial goals, workplace support, and the increased demand on time and energy.
As these women navigate their careers and parenthood, it is likely that the pursuit of flexible work arrangements and a focus on mental well-being will remain central to their ability to manage the “seasons” of their lives.