For writer Martin Suter, the experience of loss is not a temporary state, but a permanent presence. At 78 years old, the author has navigated the profound grief of losing his three-year-old adopted son, Toni, in 2009, and the passing of his wife, Margrith, three years ago.
Reflecting on his journey, Suter challenges the common notion that time provides a remedy for sorrow. Instead, he views time as a teacher that helps individuals learn to live alongside their wounds. While he notes that he thinks of his wife roughly twenty times a day, his thoughts of his son occur less frequently, often prompted by digital reminders on his mobile device.
Finding Balance in Grief
Suter emphasizes that his experience of loss is not defined by a constant state of sadness, but rather a coexistence of grief and moments of happiness. He admits that he once felt embarrassed by these positive feelings, but he has since come to accept them as a natural part of his existence. “Man can be sad without always showing it to oneself, let alone to others,” he observes.
The influence of his wife remains a constant factor in his creative process. Having spent nearly 50 years together, their lives were deeply intertwined. As a writer, he still finds himself considering her perspective, noting that she served as his first reader and a trusted critic. “In my thinking, she is still there,” Suter says, noting that he sometimes still feels the urge to send her a message when he stays up late working.
A Philosophy of Demut
In the wake of his losses, Suter has rejected the traditional well-wishes of those who offer him “strength.” He suggests that “humility”—or Demut—is a far more valuable trait to cultivate than strength. He expresses a strong distaste for arrogance, describing the belief that one is superior to others as an “unpleasant quality.”
What Lies Ahead
As Suter moves forward, his work remains a primary focus. Given his ongoing collaborations with Stephan Eicher and his upcoming projects, it is likely that his creative output will continue to serve as a central outlet for his energy. His public approach to his personal history suggests that he will continue to integrate the memory of his loved ones into his life and work, maintaining his professional momentum while adhering to his personal philosophy of humility.
Frequently Asked Questions
How does Martin Suter manage his daily thoughts of his late wife and son?
Suter experiences a near-constant presence of his wife in his thoughts, estimating that he thinks of her about twenty times a day. Thoughts of his son occur about twice daily, often triggered by photographs on his phone.
What is Suter’s view on the healing power of time?
He rejects the idea that time heals wounds. Instead, he believes that time helps a person learn how to live with the wounds caused by loss.
How has the loss of his wife impacted his writing process?
Suter still considers her perspective while writing. Because they were together for nearly 50 years, he remains attuned to what she would have liked or disliked, as she was his first reader and a skilled critic.
How do you think creative work changes for someone who has experienced significant personal loss?
