Psychotherapist Artūrs Miksons on the myths of solitary independence
Psychotherapist Artūrs Miksons argues that the modern ideal of the “independent career woman” who requires neither a partner nor children often masks a deeper fear of disappointment. Miksons characterizes the mindset of “I am a busy queen, I don’t need anyone” as inherently narcissistic rather than liberating. He suggests that this stance prevents women from building intimacy or trust, effectively walling them off from the possibility of needing another person. According to Miksons, this behavior stems from environments where the individual learned early on that relying on others led to inevitable letdown.
The reality of long-term solitude
Miksons challenges the cultural narrative that living alone until age 60 is a path to guaranteed happiness. He questions the existence of a large, thriving community of women over 60 who are content in their isolation. Instead, he posits that many in this demographic have arrived at their current living situation due to life circumstances rather than a deliberate, joyful choice.
The therapist also addresses the concept of female solidarity, offering a critical perspective on how women treat one another. Miksons claims that women are often more disparaging toward other women than men are, rejecting the idea that men are the primary perpetrators of such behavior in society.
Masks worn by successful men
Beyond his observations on women, Miksons critiques the “successful macho” persona often adopted by men to avoid emotional vulnerability. He identifies several ways this performative strength damages personal lives:
* Work as escapism: Men frequently use their professional obligations as a “band-aid” to avoid addressing personal struggles.
* The cost of silence: Fear of admitting they are struggling to support their families leads to significant psychological and financial strain.
* Family dynamics: Attempting to turn a child into a best friend or an “emotional trash bin” frequently results in the destabilization of the family unit.
Common questions about emotional independence
Is choosing to be single always a sign of fear?
Miksons argues that for many, the insistence on total independence is a defensive reaction to past disappointments rather than a genuine preference for solitude. He views this as a way to avoid the risk of trusting others.
Why does Miksons criticize the idea of female solidarity?
He suggests that, historically and socially, women are often more critical and disparaging of one another than men are. He argues this behavior is more damaging than the actions typically attributed to men in social discourse.
What does Miksons mean by “emotional trash bin” in families?
This refers to the harmful practice of using children as confidants for adult problems. According to Miksons, this behavior places an inappropriate emotional burden on the child, which can lead to the collapse of healthy family structures.
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