Sophie Harris Details Open Conversations About Postnatal Depression With Young Sons
In a column for The Independent, Sophie Harris, a clarity coach and author, argues that honesty with children about mental health struggles is crucial for emotional well-being. Harris, who wrote about her experience with postnatal depression, explained how she used a children’s book to discuss her condition with her sons, George and William, after they began noticing her sadness.
Personal Struggles and Diagnosis
Harris described her postnatal depression as a period of overwhelming anxiety and self-doubt, exacerbated by physical health issues. She reported experiencing a protein S deficiency and lupus anticoagulant during pregnancy, which led to blood clot surgery. Later, she developed vasculitis, causing leg complications that limited her mobility.
Harris had her first son, George, in 2015 at age 27. She described feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to appear “perfect” at baby groups, where other mothers seemed to manage their children and households effortlessly. “I didn’t understand how some mums looked so perfect while I was drowning,” she wrote. She also detailed struggling with breastfeeding, which led to her son losing weight. A friend had to fetch bottle supplies after her midwife arrived and found no milk. “I felt incompetent,” she said.
She added that she spoke to doctors, her GPs, and joined Facebook groups about postnatal depression but “couldn’t get any proper help when I needed it.” Her mental health symptoms were compounded by physical challenges, including irrational fears like mopping floors repeatedly to avoid perceived judgment. “I felt like I was going mad and didn’t recognise myself anymore,” she wrote.
Explaining to Children
When her eldest son, George, began questioning their limited outings, Harris chose to explain her condition using the book The Huge Bag of Worries by Virginia Ironside. The story, which features a character burdened by unspoken worries, became a tool for open dialogue. Harris told her children, “Having a baby is hard, adults can struggle, and sometimes you can love your child enormously while still feeling you aren’t good enough.”
According to The Independent, Harris emphasized that her children “want to help. They want to be there. They’ve learned that it’s okay to do hard things.” She noted that George once told her, “Mummy, you tell us not to be scared, so you shouldn’t be either,” which gave her courage to face her challenges. When Covid hit in 2020, George “just wanted to go to the park,” but he also began to sense her sadness. “After a while, he thought it was his fault,” she wrote, adding that she “never, ever, wanted my children to feel responsible for my sadness.”
Impact on Family Dynamics
Harris described how her openness fostered a supportive family environment.
Despite concerns that her honesty might burden her children, Harris argued that it strengthened their bond. “They’re still naughty. They still get up to mischief,” she wrote. “But if I’m sad, they’re there for a cuddle, just like I’m there for them.” George’s comment about her not being scared “gave me courage to do things even though I was scared,” she said.
Harris helps mothers reconnect through her book and coaching
Harris now focuses on helping other mothers through her book Remember Her? A guide for mums in business to reconnect with themselves and her work as a clarity coach. She aims to challenge the stigma around postnatal depression while promoting self-identity beyond motherhood. “My children are my legacy, but they aren’t responsible for fixing me or making me happy,” she wrote.
What book did Sophie Harris use to explain depression to her children?
What book did Sophie Harris use to explain depression to her children?
Harris used The Huge Bag of Worries by Virginia Ironside, a children’s book designed to help young readers process emotional struggles.
How did her children react to learning about her depression?
Harris noted they “want to help. They want to be there,” and that they recognized her sadness without feeling responsible for it.
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