Title: Coping with Loss: A Mother‘s Journey with a Stillborn Child
Yelena‘s labor was induced, and the medical team worked tirelessly to ensure her safety. Meanwhile, she faced unimaginable decisions. "We called my mother-in-law. She contacted someone from ima’s departure care, an organization specializing in baby and child departures. They provided us with extensive information about the funeral, and also about the birth and the time after. I was advised to make as many memories as possible. To hold the baby on my chest as if it were a living child. I did what was suggested, because I had no idea what else to do."
The next day, Yelena gave birth to Feetje, their stillborn daughter. "I had no contractions, and I thought, as long as everything goes well. It didn’t really matter anymore, our baby was already dead. After 20 minutes of pushing, Feetje was born. I held her on my chest. Our baby, a lifeless doll. Instinctively, I didn’t want to attach myself to her. I didn’t let her in. That’s something I regret now."
An hour after Feetje’s birth, a photographer from the ‘Make A Memory’ foundation arrived, capturing precious moments.
Yelena and her husband Hinco returned home with their daughter’s body, placed in a tub of water for a traditional at-home wake. However, once the initial arrangements were over, Yelena found herself in a dark abyss. "Life felt hopeless and empty. I went to the supermarket, and a cashier asked if the baby was already here. She noticed I no longer had a belly. ‘No, the baby is dead.’ Neighbors saw me walking without a baby, without a belly. How do you explain that? I was afraid my husband would leave me, but he proposed that same month. That saved me. We didn’t drift apart. I found hope again and became pregnant six months later."
Today, their daughter Lotta is 3.5 years old. "I’m open with her about her deceased sister. We have Feetje’s pictures at home, and I made a book about Feetje and Lotta. She doesn’t understand it fully, but she gets it partially."
Yelena, Hinco, and Lotta are doing better, but the grief remains. "I distanced myself at first. I think that’s why it didn’t hit me too hard. At the same time, the sadness is always there. I have two children, one of whom was stillborn."
Yelena’s story serves as a reminder that shrouding grief in silence does not help, and that talking about lost children can bring comfort. It’s okay not to be okay, and it’s okay to need help.
Also Read:
- Stichting Rouwkost lanseert Parelkoffer voor ouders die baby of kind verliezen: ‘Ik geloof dat er licht is in de tunnel’
- Aukje van Ginneken is zwangerschapsdocent: ‘Bij mijn laatste bevalling liet ik de controle los’
Have you also experienced a unique birth story? Share your name and story in a few sentences to [email protected], mentioning ‘Unique Birth Stories’, and you might read your story on LINDA.nl soon.