A Hawke’s Bay woman is creating a space for widows to connect after experiencing profound loss herself. Shelley Gilmartin is organizing a meet-up for widows in Napier on February 20th, after a Facebook post garnered a significant response from women across the country and even internationally.
Finding Connection After Loss
Gilmartin’s journey began with the sudden death of her husband, Matthew, in 2019. She was living in Wellington at the time, and their children were 4 and 6 years old. She discovered his passing the morning after sleeping in her daughter’s room due to illness. “That’s a shock I will never get over,” she said.
The trauma of Matthew’s death stayed with Gilmartin for years, leading to repeated checks to ensure her children were breathing. “I was suddenly alone with two little kids. It was horrendous,” she recalled. She later moved to Hawke’s Bay in late 2021, stating she “felt like a weight had come off my shoulders.” Two years ago, she remarried a man named Andy, who she says has been supportive of her grief and her desire to assist others.
Navigating Grief and Societal Expectations
Gilmartin emphasizes that finding happiness again after loss doesn’t diminish the grief. “People think, ‘you’ve got a modern partner, you’re fine now’, but that’s not how it works,” she explained. “I’m still grieving the man I lost. But I’m also happy, and that’s okay … It’s okay to be happy after this tragedy, and it’s okay to move on with your life.”
Gilmartin observed that widows often face judgment and isolation, which fueled her desire to create the meet-up. After posting about the event on Facebook, she was surprised by the response, with over 40 women initially planning to attend and dozens more expressing interest. She even received messages from women in Auckland and London.
A Space for Connection
The first gathering will be held at Madame Social in Napier on February 20th at 5pm and is intended to be a relaxed, widows-only event. “It’s about connecting, not counselling,” Gilmartin said. “Just a couple of hours where you can leave feeling a little lighter.” She hopes the group may continue monthly, with the direction determined by the attendees.
Frequently Asked Questions
What prompted Shelley Gilmartin to start the meet-up?
Gilmartin felt widows often faced judgment from society and a sense of isolation, and wanted to create a space for connection.
How many women have expressed interest in attending the first meet-up?
Within a week of posting on Facebook, more than 40 women said they planned to attend, with dozens more sending private messages.
Where will the first meet-up be held?
The first meet-up will be held at Madame Social in Napier on February 20th at 5pm.
What support systems do you think are most important for individuals navigating grief and loss?
